Look What Arrived....

....at our house today!

Mother and babies are all doing well. Until we take a closer look it appears we have six little girls and one boy!

Thank You

Today while looking through some quotes for scrapbooking I came across this thought written by a writter named Sahar Ashraf. She said "friendship is not just the name of an ordinary feeling.but it is the name of the feelings of understanding,honesty and frankness between two persons.and these feelings keep the two very special persons bounded together and such a frienship lies in two of us."

I am lucky enough to have two very special people in my life who I feel this way about. They are there with me through my ups and downs, they have listened to me cry and rage when I have no sane reason to do so...and cry themselves because they don't know how to help me, they share in my joys, the pride in my children, my loves, they constantly reassure and set my mind at ease. In simple terms...they love me for what I am....for how I am.

Mum...Bec...I know that this battle is hard on you both...but I feel confident that I can win this battle knowing that both of you are walking beside me on this bumpy road.

I love you both...and can never thank you enough.

THANK YOU.

The Black Dog and the Little White Pills

For the past twelve years I have battled with depression...it's not a constant thing...sometimes it comes along because I get to worrying about things out of my control and then I start getting anxious and teary and it all gets to much. Other times...like now...it comes out of nowhere for no good reason and leaves me feeling devestated.

For the past month I haven't been coping. I have no energy for anything, thinking hurts, I can't make decisions, I get hungry but don't know what to eat or I forget to eat, anger bubbles inside me constantly, I'm short tempered, snappy, with no reason, I feel worthless, unimportant and unwanted. And I can't stop crying.

I have no good reason to feel like this...I am surrounded by people who love me, I have good kids that really aren't any trouble, a husband who is always there, supportive, loving parents, and friends that are closer than any sister could ever be. But feel like this I do...and I just can't see any way out of it.

Usually when I get to feeling like this I start taking my St Johns Wort and things start to even out and I am ok again for a while....this time however it's not helping. The black dog has me and he's not wanting to let go.

On Friday I snapped, I broke down in the counsellors office at school. And I realised I can't go on like this...as my mum said "You aren't living at the moment Jib, you are barely even existing." I want my life back....I want the me back that I barely remember. I hate feeling like this...I hate that Crocket, Boo and Lolly have to live with this me....I hate that I worry my parents and friends when I am like this...I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!

On Friday I did something about it...I called my doctor. I went yesterday afternoon and poured it all out to him. He has set the wheels in motion to help me get over this. I have a box of little white pills that are hopefully going to help me out of this blackness...even though this morning I feel queasy and lethargic. And more importantly I have an appointment with a psychologist.

That scares the crap out of me...I am nervous about the date now circled on my calendar. I keep looking at it and feeling that my tummy is full of butterflies....one date on a calendar full of our busy lives for the next few weeks.

But I will go! My husband and kids deserve me back, my family and friends deserve to have me back....and I guess I deserve to have the real me back....I want the real me back. And if that means taking these white pills and talking to a complete stranger then thats what I'll do.

This Makes Me Smile

A Viscous Liquid....

This term N has been starting to move through the journey groups in the junior stages at school in readiness for moving on to mid stage next year. N is extremely bright and the only reason that this move hasn't been attempted before is due to the fact that the autistic side of him is resistant to the challenges that this provides...the change in teachers, classrooms, desks etc. We spent quite a bit of last term preparing for this change and it has paid off. He is now in a literacy class with all year 3 children that he will move on with next year.

Now as I have said N is extremely bright...way off the scale for any normal 8 year old. This is a child who can discuss the effects of microwaves in space, the lunar eclipse and knows more about the solar system that I ever will. He could very easily cope with upper mid stage literacy now but he doesn't have the emotional skills to cope with it.

This week in literacy we have been discussing adjectives, those wonderful words that make reading so much more exciting! The kids were asked to choose their favourite food and to write a list of adjectives to describe that food.

Now most eight year olds will write things like yummy, sweet, sour, delicious, etc. N chose caramel ( you got to like a person whose favourite food is caramel) and he started writing his list. Predictably he started off with sweet, sticky, brown...then he stopped...turns to me and says....how do you spell viscous liquid?

Tell me, how many eight year olds know that caramel is a viscous liquid? Hell how many eight year olds even know what a viscous liquid is?

It's moments like these that make my days at school so much fun.

IS IT A BIRD....IS IT A PLANE....

NO...IT'S....

MERIT GIRL!

(WHO REALLY WANTS A MOUSE WHEEL)

MERIT Girl! Is the newest member of the .... we are not quite sure where she came from, or how long she is going to be here, but here she is for now. MERIT Girl! has one major goal in her life, and that is to get herself a mouse wheel. Yes, you read that right....MERIT Girl! wants one of these...

Only much larger and without the mouse! Again...who knows why.

The thing I do know is that MERIT Girl! is very loud and loves to run around our yard shouting and striking MERIT Girl! poses. She is also vaguely familiar...I hope she decides to stick around for a while.

I Remember....

Meet Baxter...he's a very outspoken friend of Boo's. Baxter kept us all entertained in the car on our recent road trip, and he's here today to tell you somethings about himself. Be warned Baxter waffles on a bit and he has been known to be a little bit on the cheeky side...I make no apologies for him.

I've Been A Busy Little Scrapper

I've really been in the mood to scrap this week and as such I have a lot of layouts to share. The first three here are layouts completed using the Chookscraps mothly challenge pack.

And the next four are layouts I completed for the Chookscraps cybercrop that was on this past weekend.

My Road Trip Album

I have scrapped an album for these pages....but I haven't taken a photo of it yet. I found an article in this months For Keeps magazine written by scrapper Kim Arnold about an album she'd made for a trip they had recently taken. It inspired me!! Like Kim I knew I had to scrap these photos fast and there were just sooooooooo many of them (over 2300) so using the sketches she provided and taking inspiration from her gorgeous work this is what I have come up with.

A Post to make my Mum shake her head and to make Bluegirl laugh!

Ok...Ok...so I've been a slack blogger, but hey it's my blog and my decision weather I blog or not, and I haven't really felt like blogging lately. So here to blog for you today is a special guest blogger....

BRETDOLL!!!

For the last two weeks I have been travelling the country with Kandlenut, Boo and Lolly...and Jibii We have been everywhere and have the photos to prove it.
I've had some pretty amazing adventures that I want to share with Bluegirl...so here we go....

Here I am at Parkes. If you look really closely you can see the very large radio telescope behind me...

This photo here was taken at Tocoumwal on the NSW - VIC border...yes that is a large fish that I am sitting on!
The day they took this photo it was very, very cold...and look they still have me running around in nothing more than a t-shirt and broadies.


They took this photo on the same day...very funny girls...

After we left Victoria we travelled towards Canberra. On the way we stopped at this place so that poor Jibii could have a nap and Kandle, Boo and Lolly got to run around. They found this dog along the way and Kandle helped me pose with it.
When we got to Canberra we visited a place called Cockington Green, the girls thought it would be funny to put me in some of the scenery around the gardens, but in the process they lost my beanie...
We also visited the War Memorial and I managed to walk into a few shots....

After driving aimlessly around Canberra and poor Jibii getting frustrated we headed to Sydney. Along the way they stopped and took my photo with this giant sheep...
Sydney was very cool...I got myself photographed in front of the bridge and the opera house...

Before heading back home the girls stopped in Tamworth and they took my photo on this huge golden guitar. I hope Jibii doesn't get any ideas of me becoming a country music star...not happening Jib.

Jibii will be back soon with tales of her travels and news of the goings on at the zoo.

Take care!

Emerging from a Scrapping Funk

Having been in a scrapping funk for quite a while I am finally starting to get back into the swing of it. Here are a few layouts I've done over the past two weeks.....